


When the moon is high and the grass is jumpin'

by cromarty



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Cruising, DJL Park Prompt, DJL UC&P Prompt, M/M, Public Blow Jobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-31 17:51:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21149774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cromarty/pseuds/cromarty
Summary: Two people go to the park and have a nice chat.(And other things, so heed the tags.)





	When the moon is high and the grass is jumpin'

**Author's Note:**

> Dan, at the Las Vegas Up Close & Personal on 10/19/19: “I love that fanfiction is never like, ‘Two people go to the park and have a nice chat.’ It’s always, ‘They are staring at each other from across the room. Slowly, the temperature in the room heats up.’ Anyway….”
> 
> Thanks Bea and [Redacted] again for enabling me.
> 
> The title comes from George Michael's song "[Outside](https://open.spotify.com/track/6CTM0aon2TESJvdeacsqh9?si=JN7dODjQTFGlJ-Lq4GnKGA)."

On the Elmdale side of Schitt’s Creek, there’s a park. David wouldn’t have even known it existed, except someone on Grindr, which is pathetically sparse here, mentioned it. It’s near The Dude Cave, but not near enough that you can hear the music, and it’s actually kind of nice, if you go there during the day and not at 1am on a Saturday night. 

David is there at 1am on a Saturday night, but a man has needs. Needs that can apparently get so dire he’s willing to overlook bugs and twigs and dirt and tree sap and his distaste for other people being able to hear him engaging in a sex act. He is, at least, wrapped in a poncho he never liked that much, which he can spread out on the ground if he needs to. He’s also sitting on a bench trying to look comely. 

“Nice night,” someone says from behind him, and a very boring guy in jeans and a blazer, of all things, comes around the bench. “Do you mind if I sit with you?”

“It’s a public park,” David says, sort of cautious. The guy looks too much like an undercover cop to actually be an undercover cop, probably, but it’s not like David wants to get hatecrimed by some straight guy either. 

***

Patrick is new in town and it gets worse. New in town, newly single, newly admitting to himself that the things he had been wondering for years were not just idle thoughts, newly internally understanding that he’s gay and lonely, but that last part’s not new. When he had mentioned that he was gay, for the first time ever out loud, after Ray was very encouraging about a friendly interaction with the pretty waitress at this town’s only café, he was treated to everything Ray knew about the “young people’s community.” Mostly, it seemed, Ray assumed that “young people” met online, or at the only real bar in town, or at a strip club called, apparently unironically, “The Dude Cave.” 

Unfortunately, this town’s sort of skeevy mayor happened to be filling Ray in on some council business when Ray decided to ask Patrick if he’d met any eligible young men recently. Roland’s sort of invasive and kind of off-color but not malicious joking led to Patrick, at 1am on a Saturday, anxious to take charge of his life in this town and rip off the bandaid, approaching a man in a park. 

“Nice night,” he says, and tries not to cringe at his completely tame opening line. The man turns and Patrick smiles. He’s gorgeous, all cheekbones and dark brows and cool hair. “Do you mind if I sit with you?”

“It’s a public park,” the man says, sounding a little suspicious. He can probably sense that Patrick’s never done this before, has no idea what he’s doing, feels crazy and dangerous and out of his depth. He decides to go for honesty, because what’s the worst that could happen at this point?

“I, uh, sorry, I’ve never actually done this before, and I don’t really know the… protocol? Are we supposed to be, like, euphemistic?” To Patrick’s surprise, the man laughs. It seems a little bit like the laugh surprises him, too.

“You mean, are we supposed to keep having a nice chat about how it’s a ‘nice night’ and then eventually, after some secret signal, head for the bushes, or are you supposed to say ‘do you want to suck my dick or not’?” Patrick was smirking along at the joke, but the last part makes his face feel like it’s on fire, and he has to drop the man’s laughing gaze. 

“Yeah, I guess that’s what I meant.” Patrick stares at his hands, embarrassed. How is he supposed to navigate this new life as a man who finally knows he’s gay if he can’t even hear another man say those words without blushing and wanting to chicken out?

“Hey, I wasn’t… we can have the nice chat, if you want, that would be—I’m fine with that, too.” Patrick looks back up, and this time, instead of just the brows and the striking handsomeness, he notices the way the man looks sort of hopeful, and that his dark eyes are kind, and not mocking Patrick after all. 

They do, actually, have a nice chat, a little about their families and a little about the fact that Patrick’s just moved, and the longer they talk, the more comfortable he gets. Patrick has always loved to tease, and sometimes it annoyed Rachel, but this man either gets satisfyingly, dramatically wound up or teases him right back, and god does Patrick want to kiss the dimple in his cheek that flashes every time he smirks. Eventually Patrick’s knee, up on the bench because he’s turned as far as he can towards the man, makes contact with his thigh through the sort of ridiculous swath of black cloth he’s got artfully wrapped around him, and Patrick realizes how close they are, how close their faces are, and he wants to lean in so badly. 

He can’t stop looking at the man’s mouth, and thinking about how his stubble will feel on Patrick’s lips, and finally he meets the man’s eyes and the man smiles gently and reaches for Patrick, leaning in. Patrick closes the distance as fast as he can and his whole body lights up. It’s 2am and they are in a park and somewhere here there may be other couples doing other things, but Patrick is having the absolute best first kiss of his life. He pulls back a bit and can’t help but gasp.

“Okay?” the man asks quietly, and Patrick decides words take too long and surges into him. When they next break for air Patrick’s almost in the man’s lap, and so turned on he might be shaking.

“If you still want a secret signal, this can be it,” the man whispers, biting Patrick’s throat gently while Patrick desperately tries to catch his breath. It’s all the permission he needs to feel a little bold and even more reckless. He leans to speak low into the man’s ear.

“So, do you want to suck my dick or not?”

The man almost dumps Patrick on the ground in his haste to get up, and Patrick thinks he’s ruined everything for a split second before the man reaches for him and grabs his hand, pulling him towards the thick bushes and pushing him up against a tree, biting at Patrick’s lips. Just when Patrick thinks it’s possible he might come in his pants, the man pulls back and whips his cloak-thing off with a flourish. He’s just wearing skinny jeans and a tshirt underneath, and Patrick reaches for him to get his hands on his broad chest or, honestly, anything he could reach, but the man bends to lay the cloak on the ground and then immediately drops to his knees, and Patrick stops being able to do anything other than hold on.

***

“Patrick? B13,” Ray says, but David’s ears are mostly white noise, because the business major gay virgin not-cop from the park is standing in front of him smiling knowingly and sticking a hand out for David to shake. 

They manage the meeting fine, although David definitely feels like he sounded like an idiot the whole time. How was he supposed to explain his business plan with Patrick smirking at him across the desk and touching his mouth all the time and teasing David, just as ruthlessly as he had in the park last week? So David gets high with Stevie and makes some ill-advised phone calls and then there he is again, in Ray’s living room. Because the universe absolutely hates him, Patrick is leaning over the table showing off the ass that David had dug his fingers into while sucking him off, and David doesn’t really manage this second meeting with his usual eloquence either, but who can blame him. 

Patrick comes by the store, but Alexis is there, and she doesn’t know anything about the park and David would like to keep it that way, so they maintain the charade that they met in Ray’s office but all he can think about is Patrick’s smirking mouth and strong forearms, which he never got to see last week because Patrick wore a _blazer_ to cruise for sex in a park in the middle of the night, and it’s torture. Patrick lifts things and teases him and catches his eye at one point to roll his eyes at Alexis’s version of “helping,” and David wants to find a non-suspicious reason to send her home so he can be alone with Patrick again, but he’s a little worried about what will come out of his mouth if he does. “Let’s go in the back and you can return the favor”? “I generally like blow jobs but that one was particularly good, let’s try it again”? “Been to any nice parks lately”? Everything that crosses his mind is terrible, and then Patrick’s lunch break is over and he heads back to Ray’s and David is a little meaner to Alexis than he intends to be and she leaves too, hurt in a way she usually isn’t after their little fights, and then he is alone in his store and too distracted to keep unpacking stock. He carefully sticks up a Command hook and hangs his business license, in Patrick’s cheap silver frame, as level as he can make it, and feels his phone burning a hole in his pocket, holding Patrick Brewer’s phone number.

The next day he tests Patrick, letting him know up front that Alexis isn’t in the store, and Patrick says, “I’m not here for your sister,” and David’s stomach flips over. 

After the absolute best birthday dinner David has ever had, Patrick drives him home. They’ve been dancing around each other for weeks, getting the store ready and opening, and David had thought Patrick still liked him, but they had never talked about it, like that night in the park had never happened, and so he feels like he should be forgiven for not understanding, or not daring to hope that Patrick was asking him on a date after all of that. But now here they are, in the car in front of the motel after what was definitely a good first date, and David can’t take it anymore, so the third time Patrick glances down at his lips he leans in and is rewarded by Patrick surging against him again, like he had that first night. 

When he pulls back, David can’t help but whisper, “What took you so long?”

“I didn’t want you to think… I wanted to…” Patrick laughs, embarrassed. “I wanted to woo you, David. I didn’t want you to think that just because we had done that, in the park, that I thought you’d just… whenever I wanted, and I didn’t even get to do anything to—with you, that night, and I’m new to all of this, and I just… I really like you, David, and I wanted to make sure you knew that, and not screw this up.”

“Oh, okay,” David manages, and then he has to kiss him again.

***

“So, Pat!” Roland claps Patrick on the back as he shuffles into the store, and Patrick tries not to tense too obviously.

“Can I help you find something, Roland?” Patrick tries, politely. He’s still kind of annoyed that Roland and Jocelyn made David’s engagement announcement so hard. If they hadn’t interrupted so many times, David might have gotten to actually have his moment before Moira’s news pulled focus. 

“Oh, yeah, Joc sent me for more applesauce. Hey Dave!” Roland waves genially as David emerges from the back room. “Oh, hey, Jocelyn said David told her you guys went on a picnic when Pat proposed, is that true? Dave here doesn’t really seem like a picnic kind of guy.”

“Oh, yes, it was beautiful, Roland. Patrick took me to this lovely park for lunch, do you know it? It’s sort of over on the Elmdale side of town. I think there might be a bar over there too, is that right, Patrick?” David says innocently from behind the counter. Patrick can feel his ears heating up and he’s sure that David is watching to see them go red. 

“Oh, yeah, it’s a nice park, Roland. David’s not much of a fan of bugs or dirt or grass or nature in general, but he is a big fan of cheese, so he was willing to give it a try,” he says, handing Roland some applesauce and shooting a warning look over his shoulder at David.

“Wait, over by the _Dude Cave_?! I mean, I guess it is a _romantic_ spot, if you know what I mean…” Roland laughs and elbows Patrick, and David smirks at him for just the tiniest second before maintaining his innocent routine.

“I _don’t_ know what you mean, Roland. It was a very nice park, and Patrick picked a perfectly lovely bench near some bushes. Have you been there a lot, Roland, maybe with Jocelyn?”

Patrick’s face and neck and ears are all hot from a combination of embarrassment, annoyance at his fiancé, and dread at the thought of what might come out of Roland’s mouth next.  
“I’m going to run across to the café for tea, Roland, but David can ring you up!” he says as quickly as possible and makes his escape. Once he sees through the window that Roland’s gone, he stalks back across the street to confront David.

David is smirking unrepentantly at him as he closes the door and sticks up the “Back in 15 minutes” sign. Patrick gets right up in David’s space and crowds him back behind the curtain.

“What, exactly, was the point of encouraging Roland to talk about his experience with our park?” he growls, and David chuckles, still smirking, as Patrick maneuvers him backwards to sit up on the desk. 

“Technically it’s not _our_ park, Patrick, it has quite the reputation, which means I assume any number of couples consider it a special place in their relationships, however brief,” David says in his haughtiest voice, which he knows is guaranteed to make Patrick want to take him apart. 

“David,” Patrick starts, but David cuts him off.

“I have an important question for you, future husband,” he says, sounding serious despite the twinkle still in his eye. “I saw you put up the ‘15 minutes’ sign, so do you want to keep talking about Roland? Because, I’m fine with that, but do you want to suck my dick or not?”

Patrick takes David’s point about the 15 minutes, decides words take too long, and drops to his knees.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I should note that the history of gay cruising in parks in both the world at large and in [Ontario, specifically,](https://torontoist.com/2017/03/cruising-history-policing-gay-sex-toronto-parks/) is one fraught with violence and police brutality. As it is on the show, in this fic Schitt's Creek is a place where we can momentarily escape from the weight of that history.


End file.
